Tuesday, February 9, 2010

"You're SO lucky"

You know the one phrase I hate the most? "You're so lucky to have Sean." It sounds like a strange thing to hate - it really does. But it's true. It's not just one thing that I hate about it - I hate it for several reasons.

First of all, what am I supposed to say to this? "Aw gee, thanks"? Or, "Yea, I think so too"? Or even worse, "I hope you're lucky enough to find someone one day too"? All of these lead to awkward silence at the end (though, admittedly, I think the third one might get me smacked more often than not). The sentence and reply have no way of leading into any other conversation whatsoever. So I sit there, rocking on my heels, attempting to make some fumbling comment about something they're so lucky to have too - which is particularly hard when I know nothing about their life.

Then comes the inner turmoil. I'm not lucky to have Sean. And speaking of, I don't have him. He's not a possession. He's a PERSON. In any case, a relationship is hard work. It's not something you fall into, and it's not something you're lucky to have. Others may think differently, but I don't feel as though it's lucky. I feel like it's something that I have based off of our hard work - it's not like it's something that just happened to keep going for the last 4 1/2 years. We've both made sacrifices. We've driven more miles than we care to think about, we've skipped out on parties, and we've missed entire sections of our lives. I'm not saying it's not worth it - but it's definitely a b*tch ton of work. He's a great guy, and I am lucky to have found him, but luck isn't what has kept us together.

I also hate how people have a tendency to define me by my relationship. I'm not just an engaged girl. I love crafts, knitting, coffee, sappy movies, sushi, and being constantly busy (by the way, none of which Sean likes). I hate how it's assumed that I'll just do things with Sean, when I'd like to hang out with others too. We're not recluses. Yes, we've been together for a long time, and yes, people generally meet us together. But it gets really frustrating to just be "the engaged ones," as if that's our only purpose in life. I wish I could find a balance between wanting to be a bride and being only a bride. I would, after all, still exist if we weren't together. He might be my fiance and my best friend, but he's not my definition. 

It's strange how I'm so angry about this comment. I supposed it's a frustration that's been building for a while though. Around V-Day, everyone gets so sappy about having a relationship, but they don't realize what it takes to have one. There are times when I don't want one, when I don't want to have to worry about someone else, and how every decision I make effects him. But I love him, and I could never do that. Too many people don't know what the meaning of love is, and all they want is someone to hang on their hip. It's not all sunshine, rainbows, and luck. It's the hardest thing you'll ever work at.

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