Wednesday, December 25, 2013

When You Can't Go Home for Christmas

My family has always been something I've taken for granted at Christmastime. They're just...always there. Everyone. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins - we all get together, no matter what. I'm the girl with 6 Christmases (and sometimes more). We do my dad's side, my mom's side, my immediate family, Sean's immediate family, Sean's dad's side, and Sean's mom's side. Sometimes we visit my great aunt Mary Nell. Sometimes we go out to Illinois to see my dad's great aunts. We go to midnight mass with Sean's family, and noon on Christmas day with mine. We celebrate. A lot.

Even though we run from place to place, we love it. Even though we have to travel 3 hours to get to these places and stay there for a few days, it's perfect. It's our crazy mess, and while I've said countless times that it would be nice to slow down, I know that's not for us.

But this year, it is us.

I'm 37 1/2 weeks pregnant.

That means no travel more than an hour from home. Doctor's orders. So my 3 hour trip home to see our families? Not happening. My parents and siblings came out last weekend, and Sean's parents and sister are coming out this coming weekend. But it still means no one on Christmas. And no cousins or aunts or uncles. It means I can't mean my new cousin in law, Alma. It means I can't congratulate Sean's cousin Jen on her pregnancy (Alma's pregnant too - so there's two I'm missing!). It means I can't see pictures of Andrea's new apartment. It means I can't discuss Dr. Who with Alex and Rachel. Or shoot nerf guns at Adam. It means that while everyone is posting pictures of opening gifts and families, it's just Sean and I here by ourselves...

It sucks.

I know that I'm doing this for our family. It's for the health of our unborn daughter. I know that it's what needs to be done. And I know that I'm not the only one alone. I know that some great friends of mine have to work this holiday (and most others too), and can't go home to see their loved ones either.

I just hate it. It sucks. Friday needs to get here, so more family can be here and I can just forget about it.

But for now, I'm baking (it's my 3rd stage of grief) and going to see a movie.

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