2009 was a big soul-searching year for me. Huge in fact. As I started to realize that the end of my college career was coming, I started thinking about who I was. About who I am. While I've enjoyed college, I've had a bit of a rough time as well. I've been surrounded by people trying to discover themselves (in many different ways), and for a while, it really upset me that I hadn't had a big "self-revelation" phase in my college years. Then, over the summer, I discovered something. I already knew who I was. I didn't have a self-discovery moment because I didn't need one. I realized that I am comfortable with every aspect of myself: my education, my religion, my love life, my body, everything. I am who I am. I suppose I've always had this belief, but I think with everyone around me being concerned about what they needed to change about themselves, I had lost track of it. It was an interesting revelation, which came over a pitcher of Bud Light and nachos one evening at the church picnic. And it made this past semester a lot easier.
I started going to church more in 2009 too. I went away to school, and consequently, away from my church. I stopped going in the beginning of school, simply because there wasn't the pressure to go - it was liberating. But I slowly came to realize that I actually enjoy church. I love the sense of community, even though I'm not actually a member of any of the churches in Columbia. It's the sense of worshiping together. In 2010, I'd like to go even more regularly, especially since I won't have the stress of homework.
I partied the most I've ever partied in college. I also came to truly dislike ridiculously drunk people. I learned what my "perfectly intoxicated" point was, and learned how to not pass that point, and because of this, started to get incredibly annoyed by people who do. I avoid people who are incredibly drunk now, even my own roommates. I don't like how they (drunk people in general) act, I don't like how they treat others, and I definitely don't like how, because they don't remember anything the next morning, it's as if anything they said or did doesn't matter the next day.
In 2009, I started coming to terms with death. I know this is a strange thing to recap, but it's true. The anniversary of a good friend's death came on my 21st birthday, and I couldn't do anything for it. I didn't have a sip of alcohol (or even leave my house for that matter). It's a hard thing to come to grips with, but the healing process has started. I can actually talk about Patty without crying (though I'm having a difficult time writing this without doing so), and I've been out to her grave site for some Oberweis tea (it was our thing). I've learned that another good friend (and another member of our beloved youth group) has a terminal illness, so I expect the cycle of grieving will start again in the next year or two, which is something I really can't think about right now. It's tough to think about.
I started wedding planning this year. While Sean and I got engaged at the end of 2008, we truly started the planning ordeal in 2009. We've found and secured our church and reception hall (which includes our caterer), we've finalized our ideas for invites (and reception card) and save the dates, we've done all of our pre-cana and NFP classes, and we've passed the 700, 600, 500, and 400 day marks. Actually as of today, we're at 369 (as in, we're getting married a year from Friday!). I'm so excited for the day to actually be here, but we have a lot to do in the next 369 days.
Finally, we graduated!!! I'd talk about this, but I already covered it in my last post.
Overall though, it's been a good year. 2010 will surely bring changes, such as moving in together, moving away from home, my first career job (hopefully), the start of graduate schooling for Sean, and even more wedding planning. But I can't wait! It'll surely be a good year. I rang in the New Year on a bus for our bowl trip (er, blog coming on that I swear), and unfortunately, without Sean (though with champagne and party hats!), but here's a lovely picture (excuse our looks, we were on a 16 hour bus ride!):
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